...to writing a book.
I haven't a bull's notion how to go about it but that doesn't seem to stop a lot of people from doing it. I do know it's bloody hard work as I've watched a dear friend slave over putting together her novel.Observing isn't the same thing as doing though.
Anyway a critical mass of encouragement (should that be incitement?) has been achieved.
You only have yourselves to blame.
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Friday, August 22, 2008
The Imp Turns Two!
Here he is doing what he does best.
Healing me.
Happy Birthday Nessan. I love you xxxxx
Paddy
Thursday, August 21, 2008
The Big Lop Offski 2
Pressure.
That was the first thing I remember afterwards*.It felt like there was a heavy weight(There was! yards and yards of packing inside me weighed down with ice packs and heavy I.V. bags)pressing my groin against the base of my spine.This was also about the time I realised I wasn't dead.There's nothing quite like waking up out of anesthesia to find yourself still alive.Nothing.
Voices.
These came next.The nurses were pulling me out of the Anesthesia Nebula.It was nice in there though.I broke the surface of consciousness reluctantly.
Awareness of Pain
It's important to note the difference here between actual pain and the awareness of it.I was pain free at this point but somehow I was aware that while it was locked up in a cage of morphine it could still slide a liquid pseudo-paw through the bars and sink a claw into me.Yet for the time being it was under control and that allowed me to come awake through a grey edged tunnel of sight in the the recovery room.
One of the nurses was explaining that they were getting ready to move me to my room and I recall croaking an affirmative with my Three-Packs-A-Day-Transvestite -Hooker voice.I sounded awful but I was absurdly happy I could speak at all.I then run a quick systems check to see what was what.Head to toe like I was taught.I could see,hear and speak and this was grand stuff.But I appeared to be wearing my glasses.Why? It turned out to be a nasal cannula.Moving on.I found I could not move my left arm.An IV had infiltrated and had ran a lot of fluid into it.So there it was propped up on pillow and twice normal size.I had also been catheterized and I knew that under the covers there was also a JP drain coming out of me.My right arm now had all my lovely drugs running into it through an IV so I wasn't going to go moving that for the time being.My legs were out of contention too as they were wrapped in sequential stockings and wedged far,far apart.More or less what I had expected.Oh...and I didn't have a willy anymore.
As we rolled out of recovery for my first wheeled bed ride with a vagina (Yay!) there was another suggestion for a song.I was only too happy to oblige.This time I went on to murder Billy Bragg's version of "The People's Flag".
The people's flag is deepest red,It shrouded oft our martyred dead,
And ere their limbs grew stiff and cold,Their hearts' blood dyed its ev'ry fold.
Then raise the scarlet standard high.Within its shade we'll live and die,
Though cowards flinch and traitors sneer,We'll keep the red flag flying here.
C'mon lads...I was bombed out of my tree.
And this is how I was wheeled into my room.A room filled with flowers,light and people I love with all my heart.Coming into that room to that welcome and knowing that all had gone well was like being inside ecstasy.Like being part of joy itself.I was complete in mind and body for the first time in my life and I wasn't alone.It is words,not memory,that fail me here.I had made it.
So then I settled in with the comforting beep-hiss of the morphine pump punctuating our conversation from time to time.The button I hit to deliver the dose looked identical to the type used by bombardiers to drop their payloads.
Bombardier..you are now flying the plane.
I was flying alright but grounded enough to help Lauren with a crossword puzzle clue "A-Z-U-R-E". To wonder where all my bloody chapstick had gone and having to borrow some from her.To relish the nectar that were the ice-chips lovingly spooned into me by Herself.To annoy the hell out of everyone by asking the time every five minutes.To whisper to Herself that I had finally completed something.To marvel at the beautiful flowers the kids had selected and the cards they had made.Time was fluid and elastic that afternoon and it stretched and retracted to create some odd effects.
After Herself and the kids had gone for the evening.Dr.M appeared at my bedside in a wisp of smoke.Or so it seemed to me.There had been a bit of a bleed during the surgery (my fat arse being the cause) and there was talk of a transfusion.So there I am flat on my back with my new bits spread out like a cold cut buffet while Dr.M and the nurses go to work on me.As they nip and tuck me into shape I raise my head a little to see a pit crew-like team hard at work.I also see,standing on her tippy toes to see over shoulders, a certain blond head bobbing up and down.So it is that Lauren has seen more of me than I ever will.
Night came and with it the need for vital signs,changing of ice packs and blood work every few hours.I didn't mind.I wasn't really asleep but my veins were sullen,dogged and rebellious.I had to give them a bit of a talking to.Dr.M came back after midnight to check on me.I remember apologizing to her for interrupting her night out.She seemed amused by this.I don't know......she seemed a bit glam to me.
As we edged towards dawn I drifted off with a light heart.A heart that now had it's burden lifted with the answer to the nightly prayer of a little boy in Limerick many years ago.
* It should be noted that there are gaps in my recollection big enough for a Zeppelin to pass through.I don't claim that this is in any way complete or in the right order but it is what I recall.
That was the first thing I remember afterwards*.It felt like there was a heavy weight(There was! yards and yards of packing inside me weighed down with ice packs and heavy I.V. bags)pressing my groin against the base of my spine.This was also about the time I realised I wasn't dead.There's nothing quite like waking up out of anesthesia to find yourself still alive.Nothing.
Voices.
These came next.The nurses were pulling me out of the Anesthesia Nebula.It was nice in there though.I broke the surface of consciousness reluctantly.
Awareness of Pain
It's important to note the difference here between actual pain and the awareness of it.I was pain free at this point but somehow I was aware that while it was locked up in a cage of morphine it could still slide a liquid pseudo-paw through the bars and sink a claw into me.Yet for the time being it was under control and that allowed me to come awake through a grey edged tunnel of sight in the the recovery room.
One of the nurses was explaining that they were getting ready to move me to my room and I recall croaking an affirmative with my Three-Packs-A-Day-Transvestite -Hooker voice.I sounded awful but I was absurdly happy I could speak at all.I then run a quick systems check to see what was what.Head to toe like I was taught.I could see,hear and speak and this was grand stuff.But I appeared to be wearing my glasses.Why? It turned out to be a nasal cannula.Moving on.I found I could not move my left arm.An IV had infiltrated and had ran a lot of fluid into it.So there it was propped up on pillow and twice normal size.I had also been catheterized and I knew that under the covers there was also a JP drain coming out of me.My right arm now had all my lovely drugs running into it through an IV so I wasn't going to go moving that for the time being.My legs were out of contention too as they were wrapped in sequential stockings and wedged far,far apart.More or less what I had expected.Oh...and I didn't have a willy anymore.
As we rolled out of recovery for my first wheeled bed ride with a vagina (Yay!) there was another suggestion for a song.I was only too happy to oblige.This time I went on to murder Billy Bragg's version of "The People's Flag".
The people's flag is deepest red,It shrouded oft our martyred dead,
And ere their limbs grew stiff and cold,Their hearts' blood dyed its ev'ry fold.
Then raise the scarlet standard high.Within its shade we'll live and die,
Though cowards flinch and traitors sneer,We'll keep the red flag flying here.
C'mon lads...I was bombed out of my tree.
And this is how I was wheeled into my room.A room filled with flowers,light and people I love with all my heart.Coming into that room to that welcome and knowing that all had gone well was like being inside ecstasy.Like being part of joy itself.I was complete in mind and body for the first time in my life and I wasn't alone.It is words,not memory,that fail me here.I had made it.
So then I settled in with the comforting beep-hiss of the morphine pump punctuating our conversation from time to time.The button I hit to deliver the dose looked identical to the type used by bombardiers to drop their payloads.
Bombardier..you are now flying the plane.
I was flying alright but grounded enough to help Lauren with a crossword puzzle clue "A-Z-U-R-E". To wonder where all my bloody chapstick had gone and having to borrow some from her.To relish the nectar that were the ice-chips lovingly spooned into me by Herself.To annoy the hell out of everyone by asking the time every five minutes.To whisper to Herself that I had finally completed something.To marvel at the beautiful flowers the kids had selected and the cards they had made.Time was fluid and elastic that afternoon and it stretched and retracted to create some odd effects.
After Herself and the kids had gone for the evening.Dr.M appeared at my bedside in a wisp of smoke.Or so it seemed to me.There had been a bit of a bleed during the surgery (my fat arse being the cause) and there was talk of a transfusion.So there I am flat on my back with my new bits spread out like a cold cut buffet while Dr.M and the nurses go to work on me.As they nip and tuck me into shape I raise my head a little to see a pit crew-like team hard at work.I also see,standing on her tippy toes to see over shoulders, a certain blond head bobbing up and down.So it is that Lauren has seen more of me than I ever will.
Night came and with it the need for vital signs,changing of ice packs and blood work every few hours.I didn't mind.I wasn't really asleep but my veins were sullen,dogged and rebellious.I had to give them a bit of a talking to.Dr.M came back after midnight to check on me.I remember apologizing to her for interrupting her night out.She seemed amused by this.I don't know......she seemed a bit glam to me.
As we edged towards dawn I drifted off with a light heart.A heart that now had it's burden lifted with the answer to the nightly prayer of a little boy in Limerick many years ago.
* It should be noted that there are gaps in my recollection big enough for a Zeppelin to pass through.I don't claim that this is in any way complete or in the right order but it is what I recall.
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
The Big Lop Offski
July 15th, 2008
Bensalem, Pennsylvania
0604 hrs
After taking my leave of Herself and the still sleeping smallies ( no point having them going mental in the hospital at that hour) Lauren drove me the 300 metres from the hotel to the hospital.....alright,alright.......we had bags!! for my last car ride with a willy.There had been a lot of "last xxxxx with a willy " leading up to this and I was ready to be done with it.
My stalwart Lauren ushered me through the door to the near deserted Registration desk where I presented myself for admittance.The very nice young woman behind the desk managed to make her "Hello Devin...we've been looking forward to meeting you" not seem sinister at all,at all.After an exceptionally efficient and swift check-in we were directed to waiting room to wait for one of the nurses to show us to our room.Before my arse could even warm my chair the first of my new friends,V, came in introduced herself and helped us with all of our crap to my room....It was impressive for a hozzy.42 inch plasma,private bathroom with shower,my own computer and a pull out bed/sofa for anyone wishing to spend the night.All these things kind of flitted over my mind at the time and they only sank in after 4 days in the room..at this point in time I was ,in order, scared,tired,hungry and scared again.
Once we dropped the bags off we went back to the waiting room where Ambassador Lauren began instantly making friends with some new arrivals after V pulled me away to surgical prep.I was brought back to a curtained area with a bed,given a hospital gown,and doffed my clothes into a green 'Patient Belongings' bag.Gulp.Then the process began.
They don't give you a whole lot of time to second guess yourself as they prep you for surgery.It was a rapid fire procession of IV's,blood work,vital signs and meeting with the anesthesiologist Dr. A. and her assistant J.Once my Irishness was detected and confirmed a flame haired Irish nurse ,M,was sent for and the slagging began almost immediately.Then as suddenly as if a trap door had opened beneath them all I was alone.It was time to say goodbye to a old friend.
Pulling up the sheet and the gown I took one last look at ,what was after all, a piece of my body that was going to be removed very shortly.It was somber farce to be sure but it was telling that there wasn't a quiver, a qualm or a doubt in my mind.I felt nothing beyond an attenuated nervousness about the surgery ( I had never been in hospital before this day) and a weird disconnect to the very real event going on around me.
Not long after Lauren came back to sit with me and Dr.M arrived for a chat.Introductions were made and then they came to wheel me to surgery.A smile, a kiss and hug from Lauren and I was off on my last wheeled-bed trip with a willy. We were barely rolling before there was a suggestion that I sing a song....the suggestion being Irish in origin...not naming names here....M. and this was how it came about that I was wheeled into the OR singing the chorus of The Pogues' Sally MacLennane.
We walked him to the station in the rain
We kissed him as we put him on the train
And we sang him a song of times long gone
though we knew that we'd be seeing him again
Sad to say I must be on my way
so buy me beer and whiskey 'cause I'm going far away
I'd like to think I'll be returning when I can
to the greatest little boozer and to Sally MacLennane
I wasn't long in shutting the fuck up when I saw what was waiting for me. In no time at all I was transferred to the operating table and a sedative was administered to begin my descent. A unidentified nurse came over and held my hand and I could see the lines of a genuine smile reach her eyes from behind her surgical mask.This and Dr.A's voice telling me they were going to take good care of me as the mask went on were the last things I remember before the white of the OR ceiling merged into a greater,more profound oblivion.
Bensalem, Pennsylvania
0604 hrs
After taking my leave of Herself and the still sleeping smallies ( no point having them going mental in the hospital at that hour) Lauren drove me the 300 metres from the hotel to the hospital.....alright,alright.......we had bags!! for my last car ride with a willy.There had been a lot of "last xxxxx with a willy " leading up to this and I was ready to be done with it.
My stalwart Lauren ushered me through the door to the near deserted Registration desk where I presented myself for admittance.The very nice young woman behind the desk managed to make her "Hello Devin...we've been looking forward to meeting you" not seem sinister at all,at all.After an exceptionally efficient and swift check-in we were directed to waiting room to wait for one of the nurses to show us to our room.Before my arse could even warm my chair the first of my new friends,V, came in introduced herself and helped us with all of our crap to my room....It was impressive for a hozzy.42 inch plasma,private bathroom with shower,my own computer and a pull out bed/sofa for anyone wishing to spend the night.All these things kind of flitted over my mind at the time and they only sank in after 4 days in the room..at this point in time I was ,in order, scared,tired,hungry and scared again.
Once we dropped the bags off we went back to the waiting room where Ambassador Lauren began instantly making friends with some new arrivals after V pulled me away to surgical prep.I was brought back to a curtained area with a bed,given a hospital gown,and doffed my clothes into a green 'Patient Belongings' bag.Gulp.Then the process began.
They don't give you a whole lot of time to second guess yourself as they prep you for surgery.It was a rapid fire procession of IV's,blood work,vital signs and meeting with the anesthesiologist Dr. A. and her assistant J.Once my Irishness was detected and confirmed a flame haired Irish nurse ,M,was sent for and the slagging began almost immediately.Then as suddenly as if a trap door had opened beneath them all I was alone.It was time to say goodbye to a old friend.
Pulling up the sheet and the gown I took one last look at ,what was after all, a piece of my body that was going to be removed very shortly.It was somber farce to be sure but it was telling that there wasn't a quiver, a qualm or a doubt in my mind.I felt nothing beyond an attenuated nervousness about the surgery ( I had never been in hospital before this day) and a weird disconnect to the very real event going on around me.
Not long after Lauren came back to sit with me and Dr.M arrived for a chat.Introductions were made and then they came to wheel me to surgery.A smile, a kiss and hug from Lauren and I was off on my last wheeled-bed trip with a willy. We were barely rolling before there was a suggestion that I sing a song....the suggestion being Irish in origin...not naming names here....M. and this was how it came about that I was wheeled into the OR singing the chorus of The Pogues' Sally MacLennane.
We walked him to the station in the rain
We kissed him as we put him on the train
And we sang him a song of times long gone
though we knew that we'd be seeing him again
Sad to say I must be on my way
so buy me beer and whiskey 'cause I'm going far away
I'd like to think I'll be returning when I can
to the greatest little boozer and to Sally MacLennane
I wasn't long in shutting the fuck up when I saw what was waiting for me. In no time at all I was transferred to the operating table and a sedative was administered to begin my descent. A unidentified nurse came over and held my hand and I could see the lines of a genuine smile reach her eyes from behind her surgical mask.This and Dr.A's voice telling me they were going to take good care of me as the mask went on were the last things I remember before the white of the OR ceiling merged into a greater,more profound oblivion.
Friday, August 08, 2008
The Great White Whale....
Makes an unexpected appearance in Maryland. Feel free to launch Moby Dick jokes...let's see how creative you are.
While wallowing in the luxury of recovery I let HQ's second birthday pass unnoticed on the 6th. Hard to believe isn't it? I mean look at where and who I was when I started this lark.
Over the last few weeks it occurred to me that this might be a good time to bring the curtain down on Hangar Queen.Then again it also occurred to me to go on a knicker spree in Victoria's Secret.I'm thinking there might be another option.
So stay tuned to this bat-channel folks.I'm not going anywhere.
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