It never really ends.
Not really really. I'm cool though.
The level of pissed off-ness is really a measure of how well I'm doing nowadays.
A louse will occasionally gnaw on my liver.Two kind of recent examples (heavily disguised)
I've always been a bit handy at tennis.I have a fierce serve on me for my..er..gender.It was noticed and commented upon.A kindness was extended and so was an invitation.I want to say 'yes' but there's paperwork and competition. I'm edged into a 'no'.A puzzled coach doesn't like that word very much.She's nice though and I let her down easy.I'm good at letting people down.
Next one.
The Air Force wants to love me up.They love me so much I had to submit extra sets of fingerprints.There's that whole 'Former names and aliases' bit on the form.I can see the G-Men scratching their heads.C'mon lads..I'm not the first and I won't be the last.I mean that whole J.Edgar thing...really.It's not like I wasn't prepared for a Background Investigation.It's liberating really.
If I keep saying that I might eventually believe it.
We HAVE re-built her!
About Me
- The Hangar Queen
- Well now.Where do I begin? My name is Devin and it was once something different. This is where the temptation to crawl into a hole is greatest.*Deep Breath* I'm a thirtysomething Irish-American(You CAN be both)from Limerick,Ireland and now a parent of three and toiling in Washington DC.Not much else to say really...oh wait....I USED to be a Male to Female transsexual.These days I'm a woman.Recently(OK..not so recently) outed myself and currently experiencing the final stages of transition.Some days are great and others not so much.Ah sure..we'll be grand.Loike.
Links
- American Hell
- An Irish Airwoman Forsees Her Debt
- Andraste
- Annie Rhiannon
- Bittery Bollocks
- Bock Sham
- Cap'n Dyke
- Conortje
- Cupid Stunt
- Dante and the lobster
- Darragh
- Darwin
- Deighton Dossier
- Delightful D/s Adventures In Dublin
- Derfen
- Dervala
- Edit-Me
- Edit-Me
- EmmaK...Hon.
- Fatmammycat
- Fustar
- G-man Liam
- Gaelick
- Georgia Peach
- He Who Rambles
- Hello Sailor!
- Independence Air/ACA Survivors Network
- Irish Blog Czar
- Irish Taxi
- Jayne With A Why
- JC Skinner
- Jimmy Bastard
- Kathy Foley
- Kim Ayres
- Knifepainter
- Limerick Drag Kings
- Mairead
- Maman Poulet
- Norn Iron Blade Merchant
- Not So Past
- NYC's Cawfeeboy
- Papillon Gender Wellness Center
- Piracy,Rum,Heads of Purple
- Primal Sneeze
- Sam from Outer Space
- Sassiness
- Seda
- She's Not There...She's Here!
- Sniffle and Cry
- The Family Voyage
- The Limerick Blogger....Sound
- The Spanish Exposition
- Travelling But Not In Love
- Treasa
- Twenty Major
- Val's Kitchen
- Whoopsadaisy
Site Meter
21 comments:
HQ - I get the whole 'liberating' thing.
Out - no matter how much of no-one else's fecking business it is - is so much better for the nerves than closeted, in my experience.
TBNIL,
I completely agree with you on the broad point.
In fairness they weren't asking but it.just.comes.up.all.the.time.Sometimes I'm ready for it such as telling the investigator my former name.Other times (the tennis thing)are unexpected and harder to dodge around.
I'm getting far more selective about it.
HQ sometimes you need to adopt the Pretty Woman philosophy: you say who. you say when. you say how much.
nothing is ever easy, is it, sugar? xoxo
I can see how you would feel like saying no, but seriously, play tennis already!
Oops, my name came up as English Towers - what happened there?!
Secrets are for wee schoolgirls hiding worn candles from inquisitive nuns. Be proud of who you are and bollix to those who no wannae understand!
Good luck.
You should be proud of who you are. But at the same time, you should practise damage limitation... is that a cowardly philosophy? I don't know. You've been through enough and you don't need to barrel headfirst into arsey opinions on your life and journey if you can see them coming at you. Do you know what I mean? Not making a statement by putting yourself through superfluous shite from people whose opinions don't matter. It's no one's business but yours. You decide who to share your experiences with.
Cawfee,
Hangar Queen!!
Right Now!!
Um...$3.17+tax?
Savannah,
Ach I dunno.I've nothing to complain about really.Big girl's blouse.That's me.
English Mum,
Hello and welcome.Thanks for stopping by.You're right of course.I'm quite good against the robots.
Jimmy Bastard,
Welcome also.Thanks for dropping by.You speak wisdom Paleface.I generally do OK most of the time now.There's a lot to be said for being on the other side of the surgery.Thank fuck.Yet things like this are niggling little doubt worms that bite into the self esteem.
Sweary,
No not at all.That's exactly what I do.It's a matter of self preservation really.I'm honest about who I am yet there are degrees to it.I had to be up front with the tennis thing because it could have dropped her in the shit if I had not said anything.
Different story with the air force.I submit the paperwork and an investigator checks the facts.I'm more of a willing participant in this one but it's still a worry.So you see it really is their business too.Unlike sexual orientation (it's illegal to even ask that question here) a person's gender(s) is out in the open...so to speak.
thank you for the thoughts......all the comments meant a lot....oh and up the rest of the world, that's what I say, up em all!
Frustrating, annoying - the price we pay to be true to ourselves in this society. We're changing them, though, we're changing society, just by being out and letting them see us.
Really. We are. I'm sure of it.
Manuel,
Huge hug waiting for you in Cork. x
Seda,
Love the new pic.You're right of course.It's just sometimes I feel like an involuntary activist.
Jesus... "an involuntary activist". That's a perfect way to put it. And we like to think of revolution as something romantic done by choice and iron will!
So have you had to adjust your firm handshake too...?
Simply changing one's name is a hell of a bind, and you have so much more to cope with. Cawfee Guy has the right ides IMO. xox
PS And whoever one is, one has the right to say no - no questions.
Shannaboley.
The air force thing may be easier than you think! they only care that you are who you say you are and dont care what you are.The dont ask dont tell policy came into play because they dont want to deal with it which actually works out well in most cases.You remind me of a girl I went to school with that was very young and pregnant, I told her only to explain it to those that need to know and tell the others your fat!
Sweary,
Revolution and iron will are the easy parts.The path is clearly defined and the war is won or lost.
Winning the peace afterwards is the trick.
Kim,
Yup.It's mad but that's one of the million giveaways.Like I haven't enough of them.
Pat,
Thank you.It's amazing how little thought I give to these things.It wasn't like that pre-op so and I'm grateful for release.Now when I'm reminded it gives me a bit of a start.
Shanna,
You're right.I don't think the AF gives a monkey's.But it's the FBI that does the BI.They're not required to tell you why you didn't pass.There are no specific regs barring trans people from the military but it is unlikely that you would pass the physical.It falls under the 'major surgeries/deformities bit'.Having said that there are waivers available for this very thing.I guess it depends on how badly they want you or your skill.
Fuck the BI, if they don't want you it's their loss.
Don't they know how strong your wrists have to be to haul a C130 about ?
Jimmy & knifepainter have summed it up perfectly I reckon. I'm sure your self esteem does take a knock every time you're either asked or 'instructed' to disclose details, but I reckon you're strong enuff to jump those hurdles hon.........way strong enuff. {{hugs}}
Knifey,
C-130? Pffffttt.......I wish.My local ANG unit flies C-5s.If I'm lucky I'll get to drive a C-182 to look for lost hikers on the Appalachian Trail.At this point it's looking good though.There was some progress yesterday.
By that I mean having to buy flying gear.ORs get theirs issued.Hofficers are expected to buy theirs.
Jayne,
Thanks missus.I suppose this all stems from me beginning to forget I was a bloke.That's good and bad because a lot of those experiences A la dude made me who I am.I never thought I'd be forgetting them.Having to revisit them for these purposes is like been snapped out of a nice sleep.Am I making sense?
You know, I'd love to be a fly on the wall and watch the Air Force try and sort it all out.
Congratulations, by the way. I'm really happy for you, even if you are a little pissed off at the moment.
Post a Comment