The seX change Files Part III

Now this would normally be the point in an investigation where I would start calling in favours from my old friends at Langley or unleash phenomenal hacker skills to get a better picture of what was going on. Instead I nearly strangle myself with a sports bra. They never tell about about that particular peril of womanhood when you sign up.

I had hit the gym after a desultory day back at the office and I overdid it slightly. I was a little distracted to say the least by Carmen Pilar's return. I didn't realise just how distracted I was until just after I stopped to fiddle with my iPod while still on the bloody treadmill. Nothing like flying arse over tit to Fischerspooner's "Horizon".

In the locker room my sweat soaked Munster t-shirt (Munster 16 -Toulouse 13, YESSSSSS!!!!) hit the wall over the laundry basket with a THWACK! and I began to do battle with my undergarments. I have to say that fighting my way out of a sports bra ranks right up there with ripping panty hose on your way out the door in terms of annoyance. Of course if I ever give voice to that thought I'm mocked,ridiculed and reminded that "You volunteered for this shit..shutdafuckup!!"

While I sat there on the bench pondering my next move it came to me that this would be the perfect time for Carmen Pilar to slide into the room and leave a ballet slipper on the bench for me as a warning. Kind of like a psychotic version of that Milk Tray leaving Peeping Tom/prowler. Not that C.P. was insane. Far from it,and despite the odd slipper here and there all of her kills were thoroughly professional and highly skilled undertakings.At least the ones we knew of were. The truth of the matter is that we had frustratingly little information about her and the bulk of that came from one source. Me.We had had a very long conversation that night in Florence. A night that left me with a nervous tic in my right eye and a network of white scars on my left arm. It goes without mentioning that there were/are nightmares. How well I remember her sharing with me the details of her life and her craft. How shit scared I was because I thought it didn't matter what I knew because she was going to kill me.It took me a long time to come to terms with the fact that I had been used as a delivery system for her resume. A verbal Curriculum Vitae that I had delivered to Washington like a dutiful mule, or parrot.

So what was she doing in Washington? Or what had she been doing here? For she would now be very far away and while I was very happy about that I also needed to know what she was up to.Another thing.Why did Davey call me? Old times sake? Boredom? I wasn't on the job anymore.No gun,no badge,just a laminate ID,a great cafeteria and a decent shot at hitting the glide slope for a quiet retirement.Why fuck all of that up? What did Vasquez know? Above all else why does the Fairfax County morgue have the corpse of a lawyer with ballet slipper down her neck?

Time for the shower .I could always think better in the shower.

Not 8 miles away Carmen Pilar slipped into her own shower and let her mind wander free for a few minutes.She smiled as it settled on that Irish Setter chasing shadows and her own tail. The safe house,though luxurious. was growing tiresome and the debriefers were simpletons.This was all expected and drilled for and was so far going exactly to plan.It was also extremely tedious.

"Time for some entertainment" she thought aloud as she stepped out of the steam and dialled a certain number.

Sgt Davey Vasquez answered on the second ring.

More Zoomies

F-22

F-15

Clockwise from top F-22 Raptor,F-4 Phantom,F-15 Eagle, P-51 Mustang.

F-15 lights it off.

Pretty,Zoomy Jets.............again

It was pissing rain....
It stank of jet fuel................

I was with the kids and Herself..............

I was in my element.

Oh...and it was loud................very fucking loud.

The seX change Files Pt.II

"Excuse me? WHO exactly is back?"
Davey might be all sorts of Puerto Rican laid back but he was no fool. As I took an involuntary step back (right into some gum I might add...later tested for DNA and the perp shot in the ass for pissing me off) I realised I had uttered my last sentence aloud.
"Umm...why the Ballet Slipper Postal Killer of course."
"You know I mighta swallowed that if you hadn't, and I don't know how the fuck someone as white as you can do this,turned a shade paler just now."

I had to come up with something plausible..and fast.This was where I dipped into my Former Dude Bag Of Tricks. I hated myself for doing this but I needed Davey right off this scent.
"Ok" I sigh " That kind of thing just bothers me a lot more than it used to..I nearly yakked just now." I lie to my friend.
"Ha...you know what you need?? a fuckin' donut!!..all those fuckin' bitchcotti and to-fuckin-fu."
"You might be right." I feign weak agreement effortlessly.
"Ya really need some meat!!"
Thankfully the obscene hip thrusts and cha-cha-cha dance that Davey really should be arrested for begins and my relief at his deception is covered by the laughter of the other cops.

Except I never fooled Davey for a second. This was to cost him dearly.


Reston, Virginia

The following morning Carmen Pilar De Lavrentova snapped out of her slumber into full readiness instantly. There was no languid ,twilit,gradual ascent to awareness for this daughter of a Soviet-era Strategic Rocket Forces general and a Cuban prima ballerina.With her eyes still shut she waited for her senses to stabilize so she could listen.



There was a lot to be heard in silence. As the normal sounds of the safe house reasserted themselves she allowed herself a breath and eased her finger off the trigger guard of the Glock 27. She was awake now and no-one could lay a finger on her....not without permission anyway. She allowed herself a smile at the thought of Sergei and the permissions he had earned.

Disciplined,focused and lightning fast, Carmen Pilar's mind was as taut as her lithe dancer's body. She did not linger on thoughts of Sergei for too long though she had been noticing a tendency towards sentiment in recent weeks. A tendency she had imagined long vanquished by the rigours of her training.
Neither the Bolshoi nor the KGB had had much time for sentiment in their oddly complementary 'finishing' schools. She had no doubt that if the USSR hadn't faded away just at the time she graduated from those dark academies that her rise through the Soviet aristocracy would have been effortless..........and utterly soulless.

As it was she much preferred the life of a freelance assassin. She could even allow herself the rare indulgence of 'gift wrapping' the odd mark every now and again. Yesterday's harridan in the post office had been purely spontaneous though and this worried Carmen Pilar. It wasn't until afterwards she remembered that this was that Irish bitch's territory. Greater caution was called for as it was absolutely positive that such a murder weapon would get her attention. It probably would be best to simply finish the job begun in Italy all those years ago and get rid of her once and for all. That Devin had survived their previous encounter and even inflicted a few scars of her own was testament to her resilience and Carmen Pilar had a grudging respect for that. In another life they might have been friends. She was far from fabulous but she was dogged.

"All the better for a bitch" she said aloud.

An Irish Airwoman Forsees Her Upcoming Weekends

Some real posts are coming this weekend. I'm posting this at the expense of my tea break.

Upcoming aviation events in the DC area.

First off we have the Department of Defense Joint Open House at Andrew's AFB the weekend after next.
http://www.jsoh.org/show.html


Then we have the Aircraft Owner and Pilot's Associations Fly-In in June.
http://www.aopa.org/special/fly-in/

Finally we have the Smithsonian's Air and Space Udvar Hazy Center's Be A Pilot Day the week after.
http://www.nasm.si.edu/becomeapilot/

All great family day's out and all events are free. If you go you'll more than likely see me lurking in a pool of shade under a wing.

I don't even have the time to do sexy links...I'm that busy.

Art? Genius? Both Actually

If you don't know about Eolai and his Spring Sale yet drop everything (and everyone) you are doing.

Get some culture in you for bargain prices and maybe he'll throw in a hair or two from his mighty beard.

I want him to dip his beard in some paint and sign mine with it.

Stay Of Execution.........Denied

Splendid news from the front chaps!

Surgery has been moved up a smidgen.

July 15th is now D-Day. Have a *cough* ball coming up with something that begins with 'D'.

The seX change Files

The New Zealander and I were locked in a stare down over the last two chocolate digestives when the call came through.I was slightly peeved.I had arranged the 'urgent' call to come in about 10 minutes later so I could blag all the biccies before leaving the weekly meeting with a "legitimate"excuse.

Mr All Black's smile turned to a grimace as I snagged the Goldgrains on my way out.
"Oh,so close." I mouth in his general direction as I make good my escape and avoid his eloquent "Fuck you!" response.

Outside the brightly lit "fishbowl" our office was steeped in the gloom of a perpetual midnight.We like to do our work in the dark and the neon lit conference room where the meetings were held was offensive on many levels.Dmitri( My accomplice) was smiling as I approached.
"You're a little early....they're not entirely stupid you know."
"Neither am I.It's a real call"
"..."
"Brilliantly put as usual Devin.Shall I tell the caller to use the Sesame St. phone?"
"Shurrup" My glee at depriving the Kiwi of the biccies was faltering under Dmitri's Slavic sarcasm.
I take the proffered phone and am greeted with more abuse.
"Hola Putaaaaa!!!!"
It was Sgt.Davey Vasquez from my old job.Despite the salutation I was delighted to hear his growly Brooklyn tones.After many years on the job in NYC he had moved to the DC suburbs a few years ago to slowly ease out of the life before retirement.Not a bad plan.

"So what can I do for you David? " I purr,knowing what a kick this gives him.The fucker also had me on speakerphone so we had a certain routine to perform for our audience.
"You get da chop yet? You know I'm first in line,right?"
"Yes David,I remember my promise to donate my penis to you."
"How da fuck you gonna put a mick dick on this spic? Huh?"
Much hilarity was going down at the other end.
"I had no trouble doing it last night as I recall"
I could hear much muffled laughter and what sounded like something heavy falling to the floor.
As pleasant as this interlude was Davey brought it to a close with a bang.
"You need to get to the Herndon Post Office a.s.a.p.....we got a corpse for ya"
"A body in a Post Office? "I gasp in mock surprise."How novel"
"Seriously Dev..you need to see this."
This earnest tone was odd for Davey.If for no other reason I had to see what was causing that.
"On my way"

On my way to the motor pool I stopped at the cafeteria and picked up some biscotti to fuck with Davey and a dozen Dunkin Donuts for when that joke wore thin and he demanded his cop bait. It was a beautiful spring day in Washington and I was in no rush to get back to my gloomy desk so I took the scenic route out to Herndon.Despite my dilly dallying the light mid morning traffic allowed me to get there in no time at all.Soon enough I saw one of Vasquez's minions flagging me down as I neared the three ring circus of a modern day crime scene.

The cop had already pegged my suit and fedmobile and was wearing his "I -don't- care -who -you- are -ma'am -you- are -not -driving -any -further -unless you- have -business -here" face.
"Help you?" his tone indicating he'd rather fellate Dick Cheney than offer me assistance.
"Um..why yes Officer..I need some stamps."
I swear I could see the effort it took for him not to shoot me out of hand flicker across his face.
"Actually,I'm here to see Sgt.David Vasquez"
"Over there" grunted Ofc.Friendly.

Vasquez was off to one side under a shade tree,wearing a sombrero and playing a guitar.OK..so there was no headgear or musical instruments but I was going to ask him where they were after he greeted with the customary ethnic/sexist slur.
"Nice suit puta..pity about your dyke shoes"
Hmmm..unusual opening move.I had to revise.
"Really? I borrowed them from your wife..last time I was over"
The other cops were fascinated by this volley and serve of insults.Not to much of this left these days.Davey and I were relics.
"Biscotti?"
"For a woman you are such a dick!"
"They're really good"
"I'll kill you myself"
"Relax,back seat of the Impala"

Once the DD's had been inhaled and some more insults lobbed we moved on from the foreplay.
"So what brings me here? More homicidal postal workers?"
"You have to see this for yourself.Forensics will be done any minute."
"Serious?"
"As cancer."
I shrugged and made a conscious effort to look away from the crime scene.Davey knew how to push my buttons alright.Now I wanted to know.It wasn't long before the forensics people were finished.As we made our way through the post office parking lot I asked him if it was someone I knew.
"Vic's name is Louise Morris,white female.."
"Kinda figured the female bit with a name like Louise" I say,stirring the shit.
"Fuuuuck you.Wouldja like me ta continue? Or are you fuckin' psychic as well as bein' a pain my ass?"
"Please"
"White female.47,attorney,single,no family in the area and very,very dead."
"What else?"
"Looks like an altercation over a parking spot got a little heated.Vic's car is at an odd angle and there was outgoing mail in the passenger seat."
"You drag me out here for that?"
"Nope"
I was getting a little pissed off at this point.I was about to say so when Davey pulled back the sheet covering the late Ms.Morris.She was still slumped in the driver's seat of her hideous Escalade and it tells a lot that I was repulsed more by her choice of car than by her gruesome end.Until I saw the murder weapon.

A matte black ballet slipper had been lodged deep in the victim's throat.It's long,long ribbons wrapped around the neck and tied off with a meticulous bow.I had seen this before and had thought this evil gone from this world.I recoiled in visceral terror and my stomach gave a heave.

Carmen Pilar had returned.

"Jesus Christ Almighty..Davey..she's back!"


To Be Continued